joyousmenma93 (joyousmenma93) wrote,
joyousmenma93
joyousmenma93

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Urrrgh!!!

You know what?! I've had just about enough of everybody misinterpreting my actions and everything I say and do!! I'M FREAKING SICK AND TIRED OF IT!!! What happened?

1. Today I ALMOST lost my pass key for my hotel room! Dad tells me not to get anxious, but then he gets angry and mutters "Between you and your sister..." Good thing someone else found it because I don't think neither he or I could live with ourselves if we lost that thing!

2. Then after that, we go to my old high school so we can ask for one of my transcripts so I can apply for a transfer to another college! Dad asks if I have my state ID on me, I say no, he totally flips out. No one told me I needed to bring my ID to my old high school, which I don't go to anymore!

3. After that, Dad asks me whether I knew that the fridge we have doesn't have a freezer. I didn't check. He sounds exasperated and facepalms, like I overlooked the most important thing in the world (and he's right. It doesn't have a freezer, but I just talked to one of the assistants and it'll be switched in a few days free of charge).

4. THEN he asks me if I have food money on me! I say yes, but it's at the hotel and it's only for school only! He flips out!

5. NOW I read my facebook messages and my friends Miki and Chuckie replied to my thing that said "Going back to NJ. Boo." What did they write? "I thought seeing your friends again is a good thing." IT IS GOOD!!! I ONLY SAID BOO BECAUSE I'LL BE STUCK IN A HOTEL ROOM FOR AN ENTIRE WEEK WITH NOTHING TO DO BECAUSE SCHOOL DOESN'T START UNTIL THE WEEK AFTER!!! (This has nothing to do with my dad so don't take it the wrong way)

He's gotten over it all, but I haven't! Why?! Because ALL OF THOSE TIMES, he flipped out and made it sound like I either did all of those things on purpose or that I show no remorse in doing them! I know he didn't say it, but I can tell from the way he flips out!! They all make it sound like I did all of that stuff just so I can make everyone's lives harder!! I DO NOT WANT TO MAKE ANYONE'S LIVES HARDER!!! I know I forget important stuff!! I KNOW I'm a stupid forgetful idiot who makes stupid decisions!! I KNOW everything I do ruins everything for everyone around me!! I KNOW I will never amount to anything!! I don't need to be reminded of all of this, and I certainly don't want people thinking I'm some manipulative freak who lives for making everybody miserable!! I flip out and show anxiety when something goes wrong because I actually want to show people that I feel bad and remorseful for doing something wrong!! Is that really so bad?! I AM SO FREAKING TIRED OF DOING STUFF AND HAVING PEOPLE THINK I DO THEM FOR ULTERIOR MOTIVE, WELL INTENTIONED OR NOT!!!! It's bad enough my sister thinks I do that with everything I do!!!
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