May 9th, 2016

Why?!

I hate job hunting so much. I mean, everyone around me says it's hard, I get that. But man, all these sites I go want me to sign up and be a member of their site just so I can fill a freaking application! And even jobs I actually WANT to apply for jerk me around and do stupid stuff like reject my home address or refuse to log me in! I spend hours looking through 50 pages of job listings all the time, and I haven't been accepted for ANYTHING so far! My parents are no help because they don't want me to do certain jobs like housekeeping or dishwashing because they think those are beneath me (Yeah, like I care about stupid stuff like that) and want me to get jobs in an embassy or the government or even the casino they work at, ALL OF WHICH I DO NOT WANT!!!! I don't know what I'm doing wrong! I apply and apply and apply and I've applied for over 50 jobs, but only managed to go through 6 job interviews, and I wanted to have an interview with someone else today but I had to cancel it due to circumstances IRL! I don't understand! All I want is a freaking job that pays well, that's it! What am I doing wrong?! Is...is it me? I just want a job. Is that really so bad? My parents aren't helping matters by making jokes at my expense and telling me to get a job and I have a feeling they want me to just get one RIGHT NOW even though that's not realistic and I'm already trying everything I can! The economy's bad! I get it! But still!

I don't get it! What am I doing wrong?! Or is it me? Maybe I'm the problem? I'm seriously crying right now. I don't want to go through all these hoops and go through all this sign up and become a member crap. I just want to work, make money, and support myself and my family. That's all. Nothing fancy.

In fact, not just not being able to get a job, it seems everything I do makes everyone around me angry, even when I'm trying to be nice and help! Almost everything around me seems to either bother me or set me off, and anything I do makes SOMEONE mad no matter how hard I try! I don't get it! I seriously don't get it. I'm trying really really hard...and it never seems like enough. I'm not perfect. I know I'm not. But...I can't stand it! Am I the problem?! I...I just don't get it...why can't I do anything right? Why can't I land a job? Why can't I...be perfect, like everyone wants me to be?
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    Yuki Kajiura - Key of the Twilight