joyousmenma93 (joyousmenma93) wrote,

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Job Trouble

Well, Lowe's is gonna let me go again next month, since the season's ending soon. I'm not surprised. But suddenly Mom and Dad want me to get a permanent job there as a cashier. Uh, hello? Me and cashier work? No way. I'd never be able to handle being a cashier, even with training. Dealing with so many people at once is extremely overwhelming, and when it gets busy, it's a madhouse, and I wouldn't be able to have the kind of freedom I have when I water plants. What if I get anxious and want to leave to compose myself but can't? What if it gets loud and I'm not allowed to go to a quiet place to mentally recover? I know that's par for the course for most jobs, but I absolutely cannot handle that much activity. But I can't tell Mom and Dad any of this because they're just going to dismiss it as me being negative. They're already saying stuff like "You can't just say you don't like it and not try it" (I don't need to try something to know I don't like it and won't be able to handle it) and "stop limiting yourself. Get with the program" and "stop being negative. Even a baby can work a cashier. It's so simple. Get over it." Well, guess what? They're not me. To them this stuff may be simple, but to me, being able to handle working a cash register is probably like being told to climb Mt. Everest without any safety gear. That's just how my brain is wired. I can handle some things, but not a whole torrent of noise and activity at once. It's draining, and I just don't have the kind of mental power to handle so much interaction with strangers, who I may or may not be able to help with their needs, in a super short time. They say I can talk to them about anything, but the minute I try to talk to them about stuff like this, they're all dismissive and don't even try to understand my point of view. I know they just want me to be more proactive, and they do want me to get a secure job with benefits, but...I just can't stand this!

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