Title: Requiem of the Hummingbird
Chapter #: 9
Rating: R/M (M for Mature)
Genre: Romance, Drama, Shounen-ai/Yaoi
CHAPTER 9: Fear and Revelation
This morning should've started off on a happy note, since I had some plans for today. But it didn't.
I was totally unprepared for what I saw on my bed on the morning of Sunday, June 11, 2010.
I woke up a little earlier than usual because I felt something wet and squeamish. I realized that I somehow rubbed myself against my bed so hard that my pants pulled themselves down, exposing my penis. Much to my surprise, it was erect! Beginning to feel a strange sense of dread, I opened the covers to see what it was.
I became overcome with absolute horror and fear when I saw what was on my bed.
A big glob of thick, clear, white liquid on my comforter.
I couldn't help but stare at it with wide eyes. Upon gazing upon the white liquid, my body began to tremble. My body and my lower parts began trembling violently. Beads of sweat began rolling down my face, my eyes got wider and wider and wider, my legs began to buckle, and all kinds of crazy specters and horrific images ran through my head like bullets going through a person who got shot. My legs trembled violently as I tried to walk, but I ended up backing up against my book shelf. The sight of the white liquid left me frozen in my tracks. I couldn't move anymore I was so fearful and terrified. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.
I screamed with horror.
Not because this is all new to me. It's because I recognized the white liquid, and I hoped never to see that liquid ever again. Of course that wish didn't come true.
I screamed so hard and so loud that I ended up falling against the bookshelf, knocking some books over, and accidentally pulling out a drawer of clothes from my dresser and causing it to tumble on the floor along with some clothes that were in there. It made a loud bang, but I was too scared to care. My pants are at my knees, I was in a corner curled up in a ball while trembling with absolute fear. I couldn't stop shaking no matter how hard I tried. I tried to be rational, but the sight of that white liquid causes me to become so irrational that I can't even think straight or talk straight. I tried to close my eyes hard so I could be lost in my mind and trapped in darkness, but I couldn't. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't get the white liquid on my bed out of my head. Soon, I see grandmother come into my room with a worried look on her face.
"Oh dear! Sojiro! Are you alright!?" She asks as she runs to me and tries to calm me down. But I'm too busy trembling with fear and sweating my guts off to respond right off the bat.
"What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?" Grandmother asked in her soft yet raspy voice. I'm finally rational enough to tell her, but I'm still shaking and trembling violently with fear.
"C-c-c-c-c-cuuuuuuum..." That was the only thing I could get out of my mouth. It only came out as a shaken whisper.
"What? What was that?" Grandmother asked again.
"C-c-c-cuuuuum...o-o-on my...b-b-b-b-bed..." I yelped again. Grandmother stood up and saw the white liquid on the bed and she became shocked.
"Oh my!! How on earth did this happen!?" Grandmother yelps with shock as she sees the white liquid on my bed.
But right then, an even bigger sense of dread sweeps over me like a huge tidal wave. Even more specters and horrifying images run through my head. They're as clear as day. I'm trying to hard to force them out of my head, but they refuse to leave! This time, the images came with their ultimate reinforcements: voices. I'm hearing a myriad of voices in my head, some of them are me, and some of them belong to some nefarious people who I would honestly love to forget.
"No! No! Please! Stop! Let me go! Leave me alone!!"
"Come on, little boy. Don't you want to learn how to be a man?"
"You've been very naughty today. I'll show you what it means to feel guilty about what you've done!"
"It's about time I showed you that you're worth absolutely nothing in this world!"
All these malicious and evil voices are permeating the force field that is my head and are invading it and showing no mercy. I squeeze my eyes shut and cling to my hair tightly and shake even harder.
"Get out! No! Get out! Leave me alone, you wretched beasts!!" I scream and scream loudly so I can force them out, but they're not leaving. I suddenly lose myself.
"Sojiro! Sojiro!" The only good voice I hear is grandmother's. She's trying to help, but it's not working.
I scream and scream until I'm finally too tired to fight anymore. The voices have defeated me. I abdicate by falling to the floor in a paroxysm of crying and screaming. My voice is getting shriller and dryer. My hands are literally clutching my face as if I were cling to a rock on a cliff while trying not to fall. I realize I'm curled up into a ball and I feel something soft amass onto me. It's grandmother putting a fresh, clean blanket on me. She hugs me and lays down next to me without a spec of complaint. I feel bad for having to force her to witness my sudden fit, but I can't help it. Not only do I hate sex more than anything, but I hate the white liquid that came out of me. The thick glob of cum that's on my bed. All of a sudden, I'm no longer screaming. The room and my mind are totally silent. I've fallen asleep again. I don't hear anything anymore.
As I drift further into unconsciousness, I suddenly have a dream about Anri. Anri, with his sweet smile and child-like laugh, is happily and merrily running through a field of flowers along with a black silhouette who is following him. I can't tell who it is because its face is totally unseeable. But as I watch innocent young Anri run through the flowers, I smile and feel warm inside. Soon, I finally wake up to I nothing but silence, though I can hear the washing machine running. I look down and see that there's a blanket on me and that I'm nude from the waist down. I look up and notice that my cum stained comforter is gone. I wonder if grandmother put it in the washing machine, along with my stained boxers and pajama pants? Even so, I'm happy she put the blanket on me because even the sight of my own private parts scare me. Yeah. Pathetic, isn't it? Slowly get up while keeping the blanket wrapped around me and look up at the clock. It's 8:27 AM! I slept for another hour and a half! But I no longer feel scared, petrified, and frightened. I grab some clean clothes and decide to get dressed in the bathroom. I pick the nearest bathroom because I need to clean my penis, which is still a little wet. Thankfully, it's not erect anymore. I keep my eyes closed as I dry it with a wet rag. I don't like looking at my private parts either, even when taking a shower.
I put on a clean pair of grey boxer shorts, dark blue pants, a sleeveless red shirt, and an unbuttoned white shirt over that for today. I decide to go into the living room. Faint but beautiful sunbeams are peeking out from the cloudy sky, hitting the little pond and illuminating it and making the water sparkle. I hear the flow of the little waterfall. I decide to go out into the little patio. I hear little birds chirping and twittering and singing merrily like the little songstresses they are. I walk to the pond and kneel so I can look at the fish. Grandmother keeps at least 7 of them. They all look up at me with their big, round, black eyes and their round popping mouths. I even see a frog on a lily pad and three little pink water lilies. I can't help but gaze at the swimming fish and feel the sun's warmth on my body until I smell something coming from the kitchen. I left the glass door open by accident, so I'm able to smell anything from the kitchen even from here. I go back inside and my nostrils are gently welcoming the smell of fresh, warm, fluffy pancakes along with blueberries and light pink strawberry syrup. Grandmother's in the kitchen dressed in a little light pink dress with a flowery white apron over it. She notices me as she puts the blueberries on the pancakes.
"Oh! Good morning, Sojiro! How are you feeling?" Grandmother asked.
"Fine," I reply softly.
"Here's your breakfast. Just so you know, I put your comforter in the washer along with your boxers and pajama pants and a few other things that needed washing. It shouldn't be much of a problem getting it off," Grandmother explains as she puts the plate on the table along with a glass of orange juice. By it, she means the cum that's on my bed, boxers, and pajama pants. I dutifully eat my breakfast and when I finish, I put the plate and utensils in the sink as I look at grandmother with a dejected look on my face. I feel so bad for having her see my little episode and for having to strip me nude from the waist down just so she could put my clothes and comforter in the washing machine. She turns and looks at me and notices my worried look, so she gets worried.
"Dear...are you alright? Are you still frightened about earlier?" Grandmother asks softly as she approaches me.
Unable to control my sudden urge to embrace her, I wrap my arms around her, rest my head on her shoulder, and tremble, though I don't do it as violently as I did before. Grandmother doesn't make a sound, but my face is scrunching up as if I'm about to cry. I clutch her tightly while trying not to suffocate her.
"Grandmother, I...I'm so sorry...for making you see all that..." I whisper sadly as I hug her. I feel bad not just for forcing her to witness my little episode but for having to make her see me nude for the wrong reasons! I know she's seen my father nude lots of times, but I still feel bad about it. Then, I feel her thin yet tender hand rubbing my back gently and slowly. I can feel her smiling.
"Sojiro, my boy...it's alright. It's not your fault. Those imbeciles who traumatized you are the ones to blame! But still...it's alright,"
Grandmother whispers gently and softly. I finally let her go so she can make herself breakfast.
I don't leave the kitchen right away, but then suddenly Anri pops up in my head. Only then do I realize that I never really told grandmother about him, even though I've been hanging out with him for quite a long while. As I stand in the kitchen and watch my grandmother plug the toaster in, I gather my mettle and decide to tell her about Anri.
"Ummm...I never told you, but...I made a new friend at school," I told her as she put two slices of fresh bread in the toaster. She looks at me with bright eyes.
"Really? Is that so! How wonderful! A boy or a girl?" Grandmother asked with her usual sweet smile plastered on her face. I smile a bit too.
"He's a boy. His name is Anri. Muranaka Anri," I reply.
"Tell me about him," Grandmother said as she's patiently waiting for the toaster to do its job.
"He's a real little guy. A freshman. Kinda short and thin, with fluffy brown hair and big, dark green eyes and white skin. But he's just the sweetest thing. He's kind and gentle and innocent, like a little child. But he's been through a lot of trauma in the past month. We met at the beach last month and I didn't realize he went to school with me until the day after. We've been hanging out ever since," I explained. As the toaster went POP! and out came the toast, grandmother got the butter out from the refridgerator along with a little butter knife as she looked at me and smiled.
"How nice! He must be a very sweet boy," Grandmother said as she took the yellowish brown crispy bread out from the toaster and began spreading white butter on it.
"He is. The sweetest little thing," I told her.
"Well! It isn't every day you make a new friend, now is it? I have an idea! Why don't you invite him over here one of these days? I'd very much like to meet him!" Grandmother exclaims as she gets a banana and begins cutting it into little pieces.
"But...is that okay? I mean--" I'm about to question her offer, but she cuts me off sharply.
"Sure it is! Like I said, it isn't every day you make a new friend, now is it? And don't you worry about that china tea set and all the other trinkets in this here house! They're in safe places so it's perfectly alright! Invite a friend over here, Sojiro! You haven't made any new friends since your freshman year of high school! I don't mind one bit! And besides, I know you well enough to know that you're not one to hang out with the wrong kind of people! That I know very well indeed!" Grandmother explains with a passionate smile on her face. I laugh a bit when she said that last sentence.
She's right. Ever since I began living with her, I've never invited any of my friends here to the house before. Grandmother keeps a lot of
important trinkets (some of them are antiques and old-fashioned things) in the house and I'm often concerned that my friends might come and accidentally break them. Most of the items here are ones that she's had throughout her whole life! I never really considered her house my own, even though I'm legally in her custody now. I don't ask for much in material things (other than books and clothes and all the other essentials) because I don't want to mess up her house. But then again, I think Anri might like this house. He might tell me that it looks like those little children's storybook houses. He's going to say that for sure. Plus, we have our little beach rendezvous planned for this coming Tuesday, so why not? Plus, knowing Anri, he's a very tidy and careful person and probably wouldn't break anything important. I smile at the thought of inviting him here.
"Alright. I'll ask him if he wants to come this week," I tell grandmother as she's eating.
"Very good! I'm free all this week...well, except for this coming Friday. Nakagawa-san's arranged for this week's book club to be at her house, and I need to go. But I'm available all this week so I wouldn't mind having you friend here. I'd very much like to meet him," She said as she took a bite of her banana. I smile as I leave the kitchen and decide to go into my room and think about the get-together.
I wonder how Anri's going to tell his mother about the rendezvous? I can't help but think about it. Maybe this Wednesday will do for having him come over here? I'll tell Anri all about it.
Soon, Tuesday, June 13th, 2010 has finally come and the rendezvous day has arrived.
Anri and I have just arrived at the beach and are under the boardwalk. At the very same spot where I first met Anri. We're sitting among some boxes and just began talking. He looks very nice today in his sleeveless maroon shirt, dark blue jean shorts, black and white sneakers, and white socks with blue stars all over them. He's hugging his school bag the whole time we're sitting.
"I have a question. What did you tell your mother about our little rendezvous? Just curious," I ask him. He smiles at me with his usual cute smile as he puts his head on his school bag.
"Nothing. I told her that I'm staying after school for Tuesdays and Thursdays because I need help with math and that I can take the late bus for when it's over. She believed me. I don't like lying, but I don't think she'd approve of us meeting at the beach," Anri explained. I can't help but chuckle a bit.
"You're probably right, kiddo!" I tell him. Then I suddenly remember grandmother's offer and decide to tell him about it.
"Hey Anri! Are you doing anything tomorrow? This Wednesday?" I ask. He stares right up at me with his round, dark malachite eyes full of confusion and curiosity.
"No. Not that I know of. Why?" Anri replied.
"Because...I told my grandmother about you and she wants to meet you. Would you like to come to my house and hang out?" I explain. Anri gasps a bit.
"R-Really!? You serious?" He asked.
"Yep!" I tell him. He turns away from me and stares down at his school bag.
"Wow...this...this is so sudden. Mom would probably get mad if I told her about this on such short notice. Plus I don't think she fully trusts you just yet," Anri explains softly. I can understand. I guess I shouldn't have asked him to come tomorrow. I rub his hair with my hand and put a smile on.
"It's alright. I understand. Maybe next week is better. That's okay," I tell him, but he suddenly looks at me again.
"No! I-I-I want to come tomorrow! I really do! I don't like lying to Mom, but I'll tell her that I'm staying after for science and that it takes a bit longer than the math does! I don't get invitations like this very often!" Anri exclaimed passionately, which surprises me. I'd definitely feel bad about making Anri lie to his mom, but the look in his eyes is so full of both passion and longing. I guess there's no stopping him now, is it?
"Okay then. You'll come on my bus tomorrow and you can sit with me," I tell him.
"But how do I get a pass to get on your bus again? I've never done it before," Anri said.
"You simply go to the front office and ask the person there for a bus pass. The last time the woman asked me why, I simply told her I had some tutoring to take care of with a friend. You can tell her that your tutor wants you to come to his or her house. I'm sure they'll believe you," I suggested.
"I don't like lying...but I'll do it so I can be with you, Sojiro. You're nice," Anri told me. We stayed silent for a little while until Anri suddenly said something.
"Hey, Sojiro...have you ever heard of an exchange diary?" Anri asked.
"An exchange diary? I think I have. It's a diary, only two people exchange it among themselves and write stuff in it, right?" I reply with the best knowledge on exchange diaries that I have. I heard of one because I often hear two of my classmates talk about theirs. No, I never peeked at theirs if that's what you're thinking. Anri looks at me again.
"I...I've been thinking about how fun it'd be if the two of us did an exchange diary together, so...can we do one?" Anri asked innocently. Judging from how good our relationship is right now, I think I trust Anri enough to share some of my innermost thoughts with him. He sure seems innocent enough. But no way in hell am I going to tell him about Sunday's little incident.
"I think that's a great idea! In fact, there's a little store near here so we can stop there and get one on the way home! How about that?" I exclaim with a smile. Anri beams happily.
"Yay! An exchange diary! Oh! But let's not put our deep deep DEEP thoughts into it! Just little secrets and thoughts that aren't really worth making a fuss about. Is that okay?" Anri cheered happily and innocently but calmed himself down. I can't help but laugh at his cute and child-like response. I wonder if he just read my mind?
"That's perfectly fine," I told him as I'm trying to stifle my laugh.
Anri and I talk some more until we decide to go to the little store together. It's not very far from Anri's house so we manage to get there without much difficulty. There wasn't even any traffic on the streets. As we go inside the store, we see that there aren't a whole lot of people in here, so Anri could easily run through the aisles without much difficulty. As such, Anri runs from my sight and begins looking for his picture-perfect exchange diary. I smile as I watch this scrawny little moppet run among the aisles, looking at everything like he's a little child seeing new things for the first time. I look around a bit until I feel a tap on my shoulder. At first I thought it was Anri and was about to be surprised at how quickly he found his picture-perfect exchange diary, but as I turn around, it's not Anri at all!
It's my friend Shuri! She's staring up at me with her big dark blue eyes, dark as the night sky, rosy cheeks and childish smile plastered all over her face. She still has her favorite cherry blossom accessory in her big mop of curly pale brown hair. She's holding her precious gold trumpet in her right arm and she's wearing a short sleeved white shirt with puffy sleeves and light bluish purple circles all over it along with blue jean shorts, brown shoes, and tall white socks. She also has her signature notebook and pen in the arm that's carrying her beloved trumpet.
"Manjoume!" I exclaim, suddenly feeling happy to see her. She pulls out her notebook and pen, writes something, and shows it to me.
"Hi, Sojiro-san! How are you today?" The black words on her notebook read.
"I'm fine. Thanks! What are you doing here, Manjoume?" I told her.
"Running errands. My little sister needs some new school stuff. Her binder broke and she's running out of pencils. Dad also needs some more cigarettes. I hate those! I keep telling him to quit, but he always gets mad and yells!" Shuri writes.
"That's not good, is it?" I tell her, referring to her dad's response to her wanting him to quit. No way am I ever going to smoke any cigarettes or do drugs or drink alcohol in life! No sir! I made that a strict moral rule for me, and so did my parents.
"So what else is new?" I ask her. She writes some more things down and shows her notebook to me.
"I got an A on my history test! And Takeda-sensei liked my music presentation!" She wrote with a big smiley face at the end of the sentence. She herself has a big smile on her face.
"That's wonderful! I'm happy for you!" I tell her as I pat her on the back a bit. She smiles brightly at me. Her smiling face almost reminds me of Anri's. But then she writes something in her notebook and shows it to me again.
"Sojiro-san? Do you think I can really be a jazz musician when I'm older? Other people don't think so. I practice every day, but people get mad at me and start yelling. I don't like it. What do you think? Will I be a great jazz musician?" She wrote.
This is where I begin to look a bit dejected. Shuri herself is suffering her own share of discrimination and unwanted prejudice too. I remember one time when Kyoko, Hotaka, Shuri, and I went on a friendly outing in a restaurant and Shuri suddenly became so happy that she began playing her trumpet inside the restaurant. It took a very long while to calm her down. Although the restaurant manager praised her talent, some of the customers began gossiping LOUDLY and said a lot of bad things about Shuri such as claiming she wasn't raised right or calling her a noisy little brat or saying that she's not capable of walking among those in society. It really got me mad. I seriously wanted to throttle those people who said those things about her, but if I did, I would probably get arrested on assault charges. And I don't want to do that. I also heard other people talk about her when she wasn't around. Some of them knew her father, Manjoume Eichiro, who manages a casino here in Yamagata Prefecture. One person even said "It's such a shame someone so dignified and powerful has to have such a worthless and incapable daughter. She'll never get anywhere in life!" in a malicious voice. It made me want to throttle her until all her teeth fell out. But I didn't assault her. I wanted to, but I didn't. I would be going against my family's ideals. Plus I would probably get arrested anyhow, and me and jail simply DO NOT mix. No, I haven't been to jail before, thank God.
Dragging myself back to the present, I rub my hand through Shuri's mop of hair in order to reassure her.
"Of course you will! You'll be a great jazz musician! Don't let other people's opinions tear you down! You have to prove to them that you are capable of something in life! You practice hard, Manjoume! Practice harder than anyone you know! Don't let what they say bother you. It's their loss!" I exclaimed courageously. She smiled and hugged me briefly until a voice called out to her.
"Neesan! Come on!" A girl seemingly younger than her cried out. I didn't know Shuri was an older sister. But she waves at them, writes "Goodbye! See you at school!" on her notebook, shows it to me, and returns to her family. I wave back at her. Then, Anri suddenly returns holding a clear box with a black and blue notebook with a lock on it along with a fancy-looking pen.
"Look, Sojiro! I found our exchange diary!" Anri exclaims cutely.
That's when I realize...I forgot to tell Shuri about Anri!! I kick myself for forgetting to tell her. Both Shuri and Anri are autistic (even though the severity of both of their disabilities are starkly and vastly different from one another) and I thought Shuri would like to meet him! I silently curse under my breath for doing something so disgraceful.
"Sojiro? What's wrong? Why do you look so mean?" Anri asked innocently. I gasp and put my hands on my cheeks.
"Oh! I'm sorry! Was I making a mean face? Durn! Alright then. Let's get going," I told him as we dutifully paid for our exchange diary. It's a good thing I have a decent amount of money on me. I was going to use it to get another pack of melon bread, but grandmother's lunch was so satisfying that I forgot to get one. Oh well.
After that, I decide to take Anri home. He proposed that I should keep the exchange diary first since I paid for it, so I should be the one given the honor to write in it first. Although I was reluctant toward the idea, I accepted it anyway. A few minutes later, Anri and I are finally in front of his house. Before he walks inside, he turns toward me and smiles.
"Sojiro! I'm gonna go to your house tomorrow, no doubt about it! I'll make sure of it!" Anri exclaims courageously.
"No need to be so passionate, little guy!" I tell him.
"I know, but I don't get invitations like these very often!" Anri replied. We're silent for a while and he doesn't go inside. I wonder why? I gather my mettle and ask him.
"Aren't you gonna go inside?" I ask.
"I'll go inside. But you have to leave first. If my mom catches you on the porch, she might get mad. But you don't have to be totally out of my sight. Just by the stop sign. She'll think you just got off the bus, like me!" Anri explained.
He's got a point.
I decide to comply.
"Okay then. I'll see you tomorrow then, Anri!" I tell him with a smile.
"Yes! Definitely!" Anri said.
I decide to walk off the porch and walk backwards on the sidewalk so that he can decide if I'm far enough for him to go inside. But...as I'm walking backwards and looking at him, I notice something strange. I didn't want to notice this, but I just happened to do so.
His shorts...they look as if they're bulging. Right where his penis should be. I don't think he quite notices this, though.
Feeling a strange sense of dread, I turn around and run to the stop sign. I see that Anri gives me a thumbs up and finally goes inside his house. I'm happy that he got inside safe and sound, but something inside me is making me feel squeamish. I have a bad feeling about this. Out of caution, I place a hand on my own crotch. Much to my fear...my own pants are bulging too! Am I having another erection?
Could Anri be the one causing this?
No! It can't be! It can't be something so silly as this!
Fearing the worst, I literally run home. As I go inside, I notice grandmother's not here. There's a note on the table saying that she went to run some errands and that I'll be in charge of dinner tonight. Good, because I need something to keep my mind off of this strange feeling of dread!...and the fact that my stupid erection is making my stomach churn and making me go nuts!
I put my school things and exchange diary in the living room while I go back to the kitchen and decide what to make for dinner. As I'm looking through the cupboard and grandmother's recipe book, I suddenly freeze as a new memory shoots through my head. It's not Anri, it's not those people who traumatized me, it's not my parents, it's not grandmother.
It's the one person...who made me who I am romantically.